Wednesday, February 02, 2005

De-Assifying and De-Fluffying

So I've gotten a few posts from friends regarding my previous post on Dating an Indian Man. So let's take this a step further. What are the major things which could be changed so that both sides could "just get along"?

First, let's deal with the problem on both side: Wanting everything.
As my friend said, Indian guys can be asses at times. So de-assifying them surely includes getting rid of the need to have everything. As any desi chick will tell you, Indian guys want to play with girls and have as much fun as possible before getting married, but when it comes to marriage, they want a virginal beauty who can cook, clean, take care of the kids, and speak to his parents in their native tongue. Obviously this isn't true across the board, but it's prevalent enough that it's become a stereotype.

So what to do? Give the chicks a break. Guys, you can only expect as much or as little of girls as you're willing to give yourself. If you expect girls to be all goodie-goodie, then you damn well better be the same way. Besides, if you're a playa, why would you want a goodie-goodie after marriage? Wouldn't that make wedding life boring? So if you're a playa, just think of it this way, you get an interesting (and fun) marriage if you end up with a chick who's down wit it too. If you really can't stand the idea of being with a girl who's down wit it, then don't play around. Be a man and treat your woman like you'd expect to be treated. Going from assy to classy isn't that hard guys...

Admit it, you want everything too. You want to all the independence in the world to pursue your career, buy whatever you want, and generally live like you're in Sex and The City. You also want a guy who will treat you like a queen, pamper you, and generally worship the ground you walk on. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Afterall, your significant other should treat you like there's nobody better in the world. The problem arises when you want all this "fluffiness", but don't want to give anything back to the guy. You're just waiting for the guy to mess up. As soon as he does something slightly imperfect, you rip him up and bitch to your girlfriends about how desi guys are useless and will never learn.

So what to do? Give the guys a break. At least acknowledge what the guy gives you. C'mon, you're with him for a reason, afterall. Maybe the reason is just because your parents want you to end up with an Indian guy. Maybe the reason is because you actually love the guy. Regardless of the real reason, more than likely, the guy is actually trying to be a good boyfriend. Mistakes happen, but you can't expect things to change if you go straight to complaining about all Indian men. If you acknowledge, that guy does indeed give something to the relationship, he might actually listen to you and try to be better! If you're really sick of the guy, just leave him. Go find a non-desi guy if you truly believe there are no good Indian men out there. Just don't continue bitching about it.

Ok, this post can obviously go on forever. I'll post again if there's enough response. I've clearly got no more knowledge about this than any other desi, but hey, I've been married for a few years and, at the least, I can look back and laugh at those woeful days. Besides, I'm still an ass at least 49.06461947% of the time, and I can learn more by reading your comments and writing more. It's called carthasis :)


ooh lala said...

OK!!!OK!!! I'll be nicer to you honey only if you promise not to throw away my CHICKEN!!! In the end, it's all about compromising. It takes 2 hands to clap so one gender can't be the ass all the time. You give some, you receive some. Don't expect everything to be picture perfect all the time coz no one is.

Atul said...

I agree with you completely -- although I would like to know where the 49.06461947% came from!

Use the 'Golden Rule' people!

CoffeeFreak said...

I think that just as guys need to be less assy (thanks for giving me a new word Jiggy!), women need to stop trying to think they can find the player who will change for them. It's the stupidest logic I've ever heard of.

Anonymous said...

Believe that rappers understand it best. "B**** Better Have My Money."

Anonymous said...

Wow it's getting gangster in here. As fellow LA natives Jigar and Rodney King said, can't we all just get along? :)