Monday, January 26, 2004

The Backstory

So my friends have been bugging me about telling what really happened during our Europe trip...that's not to say I've been lying in all my previous Europe musings. Let's just say that I've been selective in my story telling. So now, due to popular uprising, you can find the seedier aspects of our trip. Of course, everything won't make it here, but this is just an idea of the trouble we talked ourselves into. You can imagine the rest, since there is quite a bit left unsaid:

  • Porn - Ahhh yes, everybody's favorite subject. Obviously, you don't talk about porn, watching it or reading it, in open public. Unless, of course, you think that nobody around you will understand what you're talking about. Safe to say, that enough people know English to you shouldn't talk about porn even in non-English speaking countries. We were scolded at least once while talking taboo in public. Of course, we were scolded by a mother of two children who appeared to be at least 17 or 18. C'mon, what high school kid doesn't know what's up? The best part of it all? The kids seemed like they were on a miserable family trip and our conversation about porn stashes were perking up their ears. Probably the most fun they'd had since leaving the US. We were all quite tempted to ask the mother of these innocent children if she thought her children had never heard of porn.

  • Porn, the remix - Being the immature fools that we are, we were quite amazed that they show full nudity on European TV. Of course, I'd been there before so I knew it would come on TV, but get six people together with some wine and bacardi, and watching the stuff on a 13 inch TV is loads of fun. Try it, you'll like it! Safe to say, we laughed, we cried. Until the cartoon porn. That really freaked us out. I'll just say that eliminating the laws of reality takes porn to another dimension. We all learned something new. Perhaps people can give it a try once humans have stations on Mars and such. For right now, I think too many bones would be broken.

  • Music to your ears - Following up on the English-speaking thing. Everybody seems to know English! Who knew?! Take this as a warning. Don't talk ish about anyone or anything out loud. Do it huddled up with each and silently laughing - like the immature children that you are. Of course, being the immature children that we are, we dared speak out loud. We didn't get scoldings most of the time, but we said quite a few things which would have turned many people's red with fury and embarrassment. Suffice it to say that, even though we spoke French when needed, we loudly contributed to the stereotype of useless American fcuks.

  • Theivery - Okay, so we didn't participate in stealing anything, but we sure scared the hell out of a gas thief in Paris on our last day there. The guy snuck over to the gas pump using our SUV to hide himself from the gas attendant. He proceeded to fill up his portable gas can and then slowly walked off. As soon as he was far enough, he ran. We, being the upstanding citizens that we are, honked loudly after him trying to shame him into submission. Dude kept walking intentionally ignoring us. We kept slowly following behind him in our SUV. Of course, we didn't bother telling the gas attendant about the theivery, but we did scare the ish out of said thug. Fun was had by all.

That being said, if you're looking for any other details, just yell and I'll fill you in.

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