Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Walk quickly and look away

Ok, so I vowed not to write about Quixtar and multi-level marketing any more, but you know what?

Fuck 'em!

Fuck 'em all!

Before I move on, let me just say that I'm rarely driven to ranting in this space. Also, I never thought I'd see the day where I wish that Indians I walk by would just walk quickly and look away from me. But fuck it. All this desi-pride? Fuck it.

My wife and I were at Wal-mart last night (again). We've found it's just simpler to go later since it's less crowded and generally less insane. So cut to the repeated possibility/fear/annoyance of being accosted by the lame networking of Quixtar wanna-be's.

Since I last wrote about this subject, I've had near-accostings (yes, I can make up words, thank you). I'll be looking at something simple like light bulbs and some random Indian dude will ask me which bulb is good. Huh? Which bulb is good?!? The one that should fucking go off in your head every time you ask dumbfuck questions trying to get a conversation going! Or I'll be looking at shampoo and another Indian dumbass will ask me what type of shampoo I'm looking for. The one I can squeeze in your eyes to make you cry while I yell at you fool! Or I'll just be standing around and somebody walks by, slows down, and says Hi from 20 feet away.

If you haven't surmised yet, we had another encounter last night. This time, my wife had to deal with the pain of shooing these gnats away. Every technique one can use to nicely indicate to someone that you're not interested was used. None of them worked. None. My wife only got away from this woman by giving her email address. Even then, the woman and her husband started following up and "shopping" in the same areas that we were. And now I'm sure she'll have to deal with multiple emails from this woman asking to meet up for coffee, chai, chaat, gup-shup, whatever. But it has to be at our house and only for 15 minutes. Thank God (err Yahoo!) for "Block"

By the way, this is not a comment about Quixtar the company. I personally believe it's all a sham, but this rant isn't about the company or the likelihood of making money. It's about the "networking" that goes on in the attempts to drum up business and downstream sign-ups. I don't know if the Quixtar materials recommend this sort of annoying behavior or if it's just something bred into brown people in the Bay Area...all I know is that it ain't helping the cause. More saddening is that I'm unwilling to even smile at another Indian while shopping.

White? You get a smile. Black? You get a smile. Filipino? You get a smile. Hispanic? You get a smile. Indian which a child a tow? You get a smile and your child gets a silly face.

Mid-to-Late 30's Indian either alone or with your wife looking around for the next gullible desi? As Tupac would say...Fuck you and yo muthfuckin mama!

Call me a racist, if you will, but this is what it's come to! I'm sick and tired of having to deal with this shit every time I need socks or soap!

So here are some tips to all of you Quixtar/BWW folks when stalking the over-crowded paths at Wal-mart. And no, I'm not just mad at the idea of Quixtar and people running their own business. I'm mad at them thinking that every person needs to be saved with the Quixtar method of getting rich and moreover, saved in the most conniving, annoying, foolhardy way possible:
  1. If you see a desi walking nearby, the chances are highly likely that he or she is already part of Quixtar, is in the process of becoming a Quixtar-ian, or much more likely, has been propositioned/confronted and has run out of ways to say "not interested" in a nice way. Given these facts...just keep walking.
  2. Don't try to break the ice by mentioning how nice my wife's "Hair Lights" look or how I have a British accent. Understand this: They're Highlights and I'm not British. Just keep walking.
  3. Just because I answer your dumb question about whatever I'm looking at, doesn't mean I want to talk to you. Yes, I like to be nice and I try to be nice, but here's a hint...anytime you get one word answers, that's an indication that the person doesn't care to talk more. Another hint: Any time someone looks away while giving one word answers, that's an indication that the person is ready to grab the nearest item and bash you on the head with it. Given these actions, just keep walking.
  4. If someone you're talking to says "Sorry, I'm not interested" it means just that. I don't care to learn more. I don't care to meet up for coffee. I don't care to talk about a great business opportunity. I don't care! Just keep walking.
  5. If I make up some lame story about why I don't have a phone number, just walk away. I'm doing it to try and be nice. I'd really just love to wear a t-shirt that says "Fuck Quixtar-ians", but I'd get thrown out of Wal-mart. Instead, I have to make up lame excuses about why I don't want to meet up with you. Just deal with it and keep walking.

I could go on and on with this, but I think you all get the idea. Please, just move on and let us live in peace. I don't want to save 30% on my toiletries. I don't want to make my money work for me. I don't want to sign up for a business where I need to stalk shoppers at the local discount store just to ring up some business.

I just want socks.

Please, let me buy my socks in peace.

More importantly, please let me feel comfortable smiling at desis I pass in the store. I don't like walking quickly and looking away. I did enough of that in college when I didn't want to associate with the Indians on campus. I'm past that stage in life and am happy to have friends both Indian and non-Indian. It's as simple as that. Can you please help me out?


Good. Now go fuck off!!


Loser said...


I feel your frustration. Here is the golden tip to keep the q-bots away.

"I signed up yesterday, don't know the guys exact name....."

You won't have to finish the sentence and they'll disappear. Now you can smile and do Gup-shup even jin-japha (hug) with every one :D

Anonymous said...

OMG you are so on target with this one. I agree with you whole heartedly!

I'm sorry you got accosted in Wal-mart, but if you get accosted in a book store or someplace smaller, go to a manager and tell them that someone is soliciting in their store. Most places have "no solicitation" signs posted on the storefront.

Unfortunately, there's no good way to tell how good this does. I think if you get enough people complaining, maybe a couple of these jerks will be asked to leave. Maybe that will send a message. It's worth a try.

The problem with Wal-mart is that their employees are often too disgruntled to care. Take it on faith that I know. I'm from Arkansas. Good luck smacking these folks.